PuglyFeet the Blog ˜ How Have You Been?

I can't think of a harder question to answer. I stumble internally when faced with this question live, person to person. Though, it's easier via email. I can sit on the question for hours or even a day before responding. Well, which answer do you want? Do you want the response I give to polite strangers? "I'm doing great, and you?" Then we part our merry ways.

Or, do you really want to know how what I've been up to? My automatic answer usually involves the former chirpy scenario with a smile. Fake? Not really... just simple.

I woke up this morning with thoughts about Facebook. It all began when a Flickr friend sent me an invitation to Facebook last week. I used to have a Facebook account, but closed it after being inundated with drinks, teddy bears, and sheep. I couldn't take it. Anyway, I reactivated my account -- quite easily, too. I didn't have to start over or anything. My friend connections were intact -- even my wall's history! I added some friends -- fellow blogger friends. I also casually added friends from high school, and I did so without thinking of the consequences. What's the first question people ask when a great amount of time spans communication?

It's a simple question with four words. How. Have. You. Been? I'm fine.... Umm..... I'm still in school... No.. no... not graduate school -- undergraduate. Yeah, yeah, I'm almost done. In a Year. Yeah, two classes. Physics. One is a prerequisite for the other. Yep. That's it. It's easy? REALLY? I don't know about that. The physics teachers at State sucked hardcore. Yeah. Yeah, taking it at the j.c. What do I do? I'm a factotum. And you? What are you doing nowadays? Doctor! Very cool... Hey, did I mention that I'm a comfort shoe connoisseur?

Quite frankly, I'm not bothered by this question so much when it comes from a stranger. My answer can be simple and honest and meaningful, depending on my mood. But there's just something bothersome about this question when asked by people I haven't seen in a long time, like old classmates and especially relatives. I admit that I become competitive and I tend to compare accomplishments and feel like such a loser when I say that I'm 34 years old, still in college and that I work as an assistant for real estate developer.

I wonder if this is what is called an inferiority complex, which brings up a whole slew of issues for me. Why am I pursuing a college degree? Am I pursuing a degree in the spirit of growth and learning? Or am I pursuing a college degree because I think it will improve my social standing -- in my own eyes?

How's that for How Have You Been? Short and sweet answer: Intensely neurotic.

Mood Music:

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I guess it all depends on your definition of success. If you decide that what you are doing is your personal path to success then you may feel more content. If you believe you should be living someone else's definition of success then you will never feel happy in your situation... :) Thanks, as always, for having such a fun blog. And

∼ c → http://mammajam.blogspot.com

You are right -- it all amounts to perspective, really and most unfortunately, I easily allow the Half Empty view to drive me in so many directions all at the same time.

I just finished walking the dogs just a little while ago and during our walk, managed to get a grip on sanity by taking stock of all the things I have to be grateful for. The list was pretty lengthy.

Thanks for your feedback and your kind words about this blog, C =)

∼ puglyfeet

You are right...I really think we ARE sisters. I could have written this post easily. The people I would have the hardest time answering this question with the people that have betrayed me in the past, the so-called "ex-friends." They just shouldn't be allowed to feel smug. So I try to get it across to mutual friends to say "She's doing great" and leave it at that.

∼ lsaspacey → http://lifeisexamined.blogspot.com

Also for a lot of people, "how have you been" is really just a way for them to tell how great things are going for them. So your best answer would be short and sweet because they aren't really listening anyway. Believe me, I have had way too many of these when it comes to girls I knew in college, some girls/women can be sooo competitive.

I'm sending you a virtual hug, L! One... two... three.. HUG!

Thanks for your comments. I agree that most people ask the above-referenced question in terms of small talk chit chat whereby a simple "I'm fine" is enough. The question is sometimes automatic -- kinda like "Good morning!" even when the morning really sucks. Like "Good Morning", 'How Have You Been' is greeting protocol for people who haven't seen each other for a long time.

I know that my Facebook pals asked the question without malice and that any of the insecurities I felt over the weekend was one of my very many unresolved *issues* and is something I'm going to continue to work on.

Thank you again for sharing, L. It's really good to know that other people share similar feelings. I feel more normal now. =)

Oooohhh, yes. These same feelings propel me toward wanting to take art classes, language classes, sewing classes, etc. I think I'm too old to get a "real" degree now (not so much physically, but mentally - I just don't want to wrap my 41 y/o brain around textbooks and ugh, math:-) - so I attempt to learn in different ways, for myself, but I can't tell you it's not for those who ask what I'm doing now - besides being a SAHM, which isn't enough apparently for some:-) I still feel a pang of inferiority when people I don't know ask where I went to college. I hate explaining I didn't. I have fashioned an answer, that my mom wasn't college educated and therefore didn't put much emphasis on my education; and anyway, I wanted to pursue art and therefore I didn't need to learn all that other stuff! Sometimes I believe it, sometimes not. :-) I personally think you are doing the women of the world a great service by being a comfort shoe expert!!! If not for Danskos, my life would not be the same. Honest. ;-)

∼ deb → http://debandhercamera.blogspot.com/

SAHMs are generally undervalued in society, but truly, it is the MOST IMPORTANT job in the world. Thanks so much for sharing your feelings and experience, Deb -- most of it resounded my own.

And, three cheers for Dansko Love. Hey, by the way, are you part of the Flickr group, DANSKO/SANITA LOVE???

I can totally relate to this. I'm still close with 8 girlfriends from high school (we're approaching our 10-year reunion). Every couple of months someone shoots out an "update" email going over the incredibly awesome details of their lives while I sit in the same town we grew up in, content with my job and life, but not sure I can sound as utterly thrilled as everyone else seems to be. Then I think to myself, I really am pretty content and happy, so why do I feel like I have trump all of their awesomeness? I think it's something innate in all of us.

∼ mary.c → http://www.suffixabuse.com

Perhaps so, Mary. I suppose this is called the We-Hate-It-When-Our-Friends-Become-Successful Syndrome (thanks, Morrissey!). =)

Thanks for such an honest post. I haven't posted on my blog for a long long time but I still check-in here often to see what my fellow "shoe sister" is up to :) This post is something I think a lot about too as Facebook seems to be how I communicate with so many people from my life that aren't in my immediate day-to-day surroundings. It's really easy to become insecure when you read what people "list" they are up to, their accomplishments, and their interests. Be proud of your life, how you live it,and how you spend your time and energy because that means you have cared and found the strength to try something new! We are all on our own personal journey and as long as you do what you love, care for people along the way, and leave your corner of the world a little brighter then you shouldn't feel as if anyone should judge you :) That took me a while to learn :)

∼ Lisa → http://berrybungalow.blogspot.com

Lisa, your comment is the very essence of that which I try to remember every time I feel like I haven't done enough well enough and fast enough. Most of the time, however, that goodness simply escapes me. Thanks for the reminder. =)